12162017Headline:

Top Ten Ways to Keep a Retired Pope Busy

By Piper Bayard and Kristen Lamb

It seems the Vatican has a rather rare conundrum on its hands. What to do with a retired pope? Popes generally don’t retire. In fact, Benedict XVI is the first to do so in around 600 years. And when they do retire, they tend to be trouble makers, either wanting their old jobs back or exercising their Back Seat Pope’s License.

Pope Benedict XVIimage by Tadeusz Gomy, public domain

Pope Benedict XVI
image by Tadeusz Gomy, public domain

When I ran for US president (see Okay. I’ll Do It. I’ll Run for President), my space saving vice president, Kristen Lamb, and I set out to make our world a more efficient and humorous place. So when we heard that our fellow world leader was about to have too much time on his hands, we brainstormed a few things he can do to keep himself busy and out of the cardinals’ zuccehettos.

Top Ten Ways to Keep a Retired Pope Busy

  1. Co-star in a movie as Steve Carell’s best friend, The 90 Year Old Virgin.
  2. Translate Latin into Twitter-speak for remote exorcisms.
  3. Be a Walmart Greeter who can save souls and provide carts that don’t squeak.
  4. Team up with George Forman to make a new line of sandwich grills.
  5. Be a Spokesperson for Clorox on how to keep your whites the whitest.
  6. Cast devils out of the Jersey Shore crew and the Real Housewives.
  7. Babysit Bill Clinton.
  8. Judge contestants on Dancing with the Saints.
  9. Host the new game shows, Your Soul’s In Jeopardy and Are You Smarter than a Pontiff?
  10. Test drive the new bulletproof Hoverround.

Hoveround

Hoveround

We make these suggestions with the purest of hearts. If anyone finds them offensive, at least be glad we had the good taste to stop at President and not run for Pope.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Piper Bayard is a belly dancer from way back and a recovering attorney with a university degree or two. She currently pens post-apocalyptic sci-fi and spy novels with her writing partner, Jay Holmes, when she isn’t shooting, SCUBA diving, or chauffeuring her children. Her debut sci-fi thriller, ARCHER’S RECKONING, will be out this spring through Stonehouse Ink Publishing. She blogs at Bayard & Holmes. You may contact her in blog comments, on Twitter at@piperbayard, on Facebook at Piper Bayard, or by email at piperbayard@yahoo.com.

Kristen Lamb is the author of the #1 best-selling books We Are Not Alone–The Writer’s Guide to Social Media and Are You There, Blog? It’s Me, Writer. Feel free to follow her weekday blog or find her on Facebook and Twitter. Kristen is the C.E.O. of WANA International and the founder of the social site for creatives, WANATribe.


We Fund Your Projects! We have Off Market Closed Sale Properties and Revenue Generating Businesses for Sale! kellencapital.com


Get the Funding Your Business Needs! AmeriFunding.Net Get Business Cash Now! amerifunding.net



What Next?

Related Articles

Leave a Reply

Submit Comment